Gary, his girlfriend Georgia, and a group of female dancers, crash land near a deserted island after their plane sets on fire. Miraculously, they don't all die a horrendous death and most of them are in fact completely unscathed.
They explore the island and find a cabin containing a containing a corpse in a giant web. They are horrified, for a couple minutes at least, but then go on to pursue other interests such as wandering around in their underwear and, in one case at least, making out with Gary. Naturally, the cheating cad gets caught in the act by Georgia and, after a nasty argument, storms off into the forest in a huff.
While out and about he gets bitten by a radioactive spider which transforms him into some kind of half man/half spider mutant. In reality, however, he looks like a grotesquely hairy caveman with a pair of costume shop glue-in vampire fangs and rubber monster gloves. He then goes on to spend most of the remainder of the film lurking about the forest, hiding in a tree, and making only one kill until most of the way through the show.
Meanwhile, the women are getting along quite alright without him, spending most of their time mud wrestling, skinny dipping, and just being generally scantily-clad. Then a boat shows up containing the co-workers of the dead guy in the web. No longer being stranded, by virtue of having a boat, you would think the lot of them would be about ready to head home. But instead they decide to have a sexy dance party first and make out with the guys from the boat a bit. Finally Gary springs into action, bringing small amounts of unexciting violence down upon them.
Blood-curdling, hair-raising, and spine-chilling, are not the phrases I would use to describe this movie. Unfortunately, eye-closing, snore-inducing, and chuckle-inciting, would be fairer tag lines as Horrors of Spider Island is lacking in several departments including; horror, suspense, gore, and plot. The two exceptions I can fathom would be if A: you are severely arachnophobic, in which case there is a spider in the movie which bites Gary... but it is basically the funniest looking, cutest spider you will ever be likely to see. Or, B: if you are petrified of scantily-clad young women, in which case do not view this film at any cost!
0.5 giant spider webs out of 5
Unrated. Contains nudity, sexual content, mild violence.
Watch the Horrors of Spider Island trailer.
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