The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

It is Lifeday on the Wookie home planet of Kashyyyk, and Chewbacca is heading home for the holidays with his friend Han Solo. Meanwhile his family, including his wife, Malla, his Son, Lumpy, and his father, Itchy are preparing for the holidays. Well... Malla is anyhow. Lumpy spends his time being obnoxious, while Itchy mostly grumbles about things and spends some time using a virtual reality fantasy machine given to him by a his friend, Saundan (Art Carney), in what is undoubtedly the most disturbing Star Wars scene to date.

After several minutes of Wookie's talking to each other in their own language without English subtitles, interspersed with scenes, which include substantial recycled footage, of Han and Chewbacca fighting through an imperial blockade of Kashyyyk, the film really starts to break down.

First some storm troopers and imperial guards bust in on Chewbacca's family and cause a nuisance. Eventually they take off, leaving one storm trooper to wait for Chewbacca's return. Meanwhile we get all manner of weird, out of context scenes including a gymnastics performance, a song by Jefferson Starship, and a bar scene on Tatooine featuring Bea Arthur.

In due course Han and Chewbacca make it home for the holidays and throw the storm trooper over the balcony to his death. Then they sing a song about love and good will which at that point sounds a bit cynical. C3PO, R2D2, Luke, and Leia also turn up at this point. Who knows how they got through the imperial blockade so easily...but some questions aren't worth asking.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is a discombobulated mess of scenes that largely make no sense and feel very forced together. Puzzling, troubling, and boring at the worst of times, hilarious at its best, this film distinctly appears to be the result of George Lucas developing the (probably accurate) belief that anything with "Star Wars" written on it would sell like hot cakes in the late 70's.

If possible, it makes The Phantom Menace appear to be a cinematic triumph, and therefore should not really be watched by anyone other than perhaps to quench the undeniable curiosity that surrounds this rare film. Rare, that is to say, because Lucasfilm seems to been helping to make sure you don't have to see this awful movie... by never releasing it on DVD or Blueray. Still, like everything else imaginable, it can be found easily for free online.

0.5 out of 5 Devaronians.
Unrated.

The Thing (2011)

It's not human. Yet.

A small group of American's, including Palaeontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), and helicopter pilot Sam Carter (Joel Edgerton), join a Norwegian expedition in the Antarctic. The expedition has discovered something phenomenal; what appears to be an alien space craft buried for thousands of years under the ice.

Even more amazing is what they find next; an alien life form preserved in the frozen tundra. They extract the specimen and take a tissue sample before leaving it in cold storage inside their base. What they don't realize is that it is still alive.

Soon they have a highly dangerous, highly aggressive alien life form inside their base. To make matters worse, it has the ability to replicate its victims, thereby hiding amongst its prey completely unseen. The team quickly begins to succumb to terror, paranoia, and infighting as the thing strikes again and again. It seems that only the level headed Kate has what it takes to lead what is left of the expedition to survival, if it's not already too late.

Before anyone gets uppity about this "remake" of The Thing, please be informed/reminded that in fact John Carpenter's very excellent 1982 film by the same name was in fact a remake in its own right. If you don't believe this then you haven't yet heard of the 1951 film The Thing From Another World. Good, now that the groaning about it being a remake and being too much like John Carpenter's film have been laid to rest, let's look at the merits of the film itself.

This version of The Thing is actually a prequel to the original film. In Carpenter's film, the thing comes to an American outpost in the form of a dog which comes from a nearby Norwegian outpost which they later learn has been destroyed. This film actually takes us through the original discovery of the creature by the Norwegians, the events leading to their destruction, and its escape.

But at the same time, and without copying exactly from the previous film, the 2011 version of The Thing is of course very similar to Carpenters in many ways. Even some of the scenes and story line progression are very similar to Carpenters. In this way the film pays homage to Carpenter's classic, without remaking it scene for scene.

The Thing is relatively successful in capturing the suspense and claustrophobia of its 1982 counterpart. Nobody, including the viewer, knows where, or who, the thing may be at any moment... or when it may strike again. But where Carpenter focused on the psychological aspect, leaving the viewers imagination to do some of the work, this film is a lot more in your face with the gore, and the creature itself. The original shocked viewers with scenes like the severed head that sprouted legs and crawled away. This film takes that kind of imagery to the extreme, piling on the cool visuals of the thing and its attacks.

The Thing is well worth checking out for fans of the 1982 film, and others who are in to sci-fi inspired horror films.

4 flame-throwers out of 5
Rated R for strong creature violence and gore, disturbing images, and language

Super 8 (2011)

It Arrives

It's the summer of 1979 in a small Ohio town. A group of local teenagers are working on a super 8 zombie movie to submit to a local film festival. While filming they witness a horrific train derailment, but escape unharmed. When strange happenings start to take place across town in the wake of the crash the local Deputy, who is also the father of one of the teens, works to determine what is behind them.

But the real key to what is going on is in the hands of the teenagers themselves, and their super 8 camera, which captured footage of a creature escaping from the wreckage of the train. Now they have to stop the creature before it destroys everything and everyone in town. At the same time, they must reckon with their own group dynamics including family tragedies, rivalries, and falling in love.

Super 8 is named after Super 8mm film, which was originally released in 1965 by Eastman Kodak as an improvement on the existing 8mm film technology. Many a high school and college film effort were produced through the use of Super 8 film, including the early works of the likes of Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell.

Unfortunately this is neither a Sam Raimi, nor a Bruce Campbell film. No B movie magic here; this is a full on big budget Hollywood, family friendly, sci-fi drama complete with Steven Spielberg as director. Some have compared Super 8 to a mix between E.T. and Cloverfield. Without spilling the beans, this is a fair assessment. Yes, it has a big nasty alien, but it also has drama, a romantic sub plot, and a happily ever after finale.

Disclaimers aside, Super 8 is actually a good movie for what it is. It is well written, it has good acting all around, good effects, and mostly likeable characters. Super 8 won't blow your mind, but it is a well put together and fully watch-able film. Watch the credits for a worthwhile surprise as well.

3 train crashes out of 5
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence, language and some drug use

The Thing (1982)

What you fear most... is among you.

A scientific expedition in the Antarctic faces a very strange interruption when a team of Norwegians turn out in a helicopter firing wildly at a fleeing dog. One of the members of the expedition is wounded before its leader, Palmer, shoots and kills the attacked. The helicopter crashes leaving no way to determine what spurred the Norwegians to such erratic and dangerous behaviour.

R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russell) leads a team to investigate the Norwegians camp. They find disturbing remains which, along with strange events at their own camp, lead them to believe that the Norwegians has uncovered an alien life form which can change shape and is now amongst them.

Any member of the team could be the thing, and nobody is safe. Meanwhile, the expeditions helicopter is sabotaged, leaving the men stranded on the frozen tundra with no means to escape or to communicate with the outside world and hunted by an unknown being that could be indecipherable from any one of them.

John Carpenter's The Thing is in fact a remake of the 1952 science fiction film The Things from Another World, which follows a very similar plot line. What Carpenter was able to do, however, is to build on the suspense and the sense of claustrophobia that naturally comes with this story about stranded men in a confined space hunted by a hidden enemy. The film can feel a bit slow at times but this is generally just part of Carpenters long process of building up suspense for the next alien attack.

The Thing itself has no specific form of its own, instead it takes on the form of its victims and often ends up in some hideous half-formed version of them. Among its delightful formations are partially formed humans and dogs as well as a severed head which grows spider legs and crawls away. Lots of tension, suspense, creepy scenes, and grisly monsters make The Thing an effective sci-fi/horror film, it all leads to a sense of doom and hopelessness which builds up to a very fitting, if somewhat abrupt conclusion.

No sequels, but the door was left open. In the meantime, a re-make is scheduled for later this year.

4 spider heads out of 5
Rated-R for strong bloody violence, grisly and disturbing images, language and some drug use.

War of the Worlds (2005)

Steven Spielberg brings a new spin and modern special effects to this re-visioning of Orson Welle's sci-fi classic War of the Worlds. While the basic premise remains untouched, the main characters of this 2005 version are dead beat dad Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise), and his children Rachel (Dakota Fanning) and Robbie (Justin Chatwin).

Ray gets more than he bargained for when his ex drops off the kids at his apartment while she goes out of town. Alien tri-pod machines are rising up from under ground, where they have apparently been hiding for thousands of years, and are now laying waste to all of human kind.

Ray and the kids join droves of others who are running for their lives while all available military force is thrown at the merciless invaders. Nothing seems to be able to stop the alien force as it smashes everything in its path and obliterates all humans that it encounters.

Spielberg's remake loses the religious motif, the Cold War "patriotism", and some of the campier aspects of the storyline from the original. In fact, very little of the original films story is in tact here at all. On the other hand, some aspects, like the alien tripods, are actually closer to the original story than the 1953 film was. Plus there's modern special effects which are far more realistic than those in the original movie.

But at the same time, while there is no ambiguity about what Earth and its inhabitants are facing, the same sense of apocalyptic despair is not achieved here as in the original. Some of the more subtle and effective imagery is now replaced with non-stop straight forward action and violence. Plus there's Tom Cruise, who doubtfully understood that he was acting in a work of fiction rather than a documentary. I wonder when he plans to finance adaptations of some of L. Ron's books.

At any rate, this version of War of the Worlds is an entertaining, visually stimulating film that is worth 116 minutes, even if not on par with the original in every respect.

3 nut bar survivalists out of 5
Rated PG-13 for frightening sequences of sci-fi violence and disturbing images.

The War of the Worlds (1953)

The original invasion!

In 1938 Orson Welles narrated a special edition of the radio drama programme Mercury Theatre on the Air titled War of the Worlds. The programme was presented in news bulletin format and caused near mass panic as a result of the belief of many listeners that what they were hearing was a real news broadcast.

In 1953 War of the Worlds was adapted to motion picture format complete with Technicolour and became a science fiction classic which must have stunned many viewers at the time.

War of the Worlds is your standard alien invasion story. When mysterious canisters begin to drop from the sky, Dr. Clayton Forrester, and other scientists, are called in to investigate. But very quickly it becomes clear that these are no mere asteroids. In fact, they contain fearsome alien space crafts with impenetrable force fields and lasers which can reduce a human being to ash in a second.

Their intention, the destruction of humanity, is almost immediately evident. No military force on the planet can stop them. Even the atom bomb has no effect. Soon survivors are running for their lives and human civilization seems doomed. But an unexpected weakness may yet put a stop from the aliens' destructive rampage and save humankind from extinction.

War of the Worlds has all the hallmarks of cheesy 50's sci-fi, but it is still pretty visually stimulating despite its old fashioned effects. One gets a real sense of the apocalyptic situation faced by the characters as the alien crafts cruise down the burning and crumbling streets reducing their prey to ash and vapour.

The film does contain the mandatory "patriotic" national chauvinism on behalf of the United States, which is of course the last country left standing and the one with responsibility for saving humanity. Of course, in this case it doesn't actually succeed... mother nature does, and in a very abrupt fashion too. But I'll say no more lest I spoil it.

There is also a really goofy religious component to the film as well and at the end it felt like the insinuation was that the alien defeat was a gift from God, despite the scientific explanation being provided. Of course, if there were a God who created the universe why would s/he necessarily be partisan to one or another species of beings? But I digress. The other side of the argument is that the religious imagery, especially the vaporization of the Pastor, helps to lend the film its atmosphere of hopelessness. Indeed, that is quite true.

Of course the film was remade in 2005 starring Tom Cruise. The two films are wildly different, but that's for a coming review of the remake. In any case, the original film is an entertaining and worthwhile watch.

3.5 death rays out of 5
Unrated: contains violence, frightening scenes.

Decoys 2 (2007)

It's Mating Season

College students Sam Compton reluctantly joins a group of friends in a contest to see who can sleep with the most women on campus by the end of the semester. What they don't know is that there are a lot of new students on campus this year and they are out of this world... literally.

Actually they are lizard women with tentacle-like sex organs which they hide in their bellybuttons. They are looking for male humans to incubate their young inside. The problem is that they are allergic to heat and when they have relations their body temperatures drop well below freezing and their mates tend to turn into popsicles.

Only one man, Luke Callahan, knows the truth, having survived the decoys first attack a few years earlier. Now he is on a mission to stop these buxom blonde man killers before every male on campus is either impregnated or dead.

Decoys wasn't a great film in the first place. So naturally, a sequel was required. This second Decoys instalment is not like most sequels. Most sequels are much worse than the original. This is equally bad.

As his obnoxious frat-douche friends begin drawing up the plans for their contest to see how many "babes" they can "nail", Sam warns that if they find out... women on campus might be offended. You think? He joins in anyhow though, and soon his friends are dying right left and centre. If the contest didn't offend all the woman on campus, the premise of this movie might offend all the ones who watch it.

But moving right along... the fact is that nothing new happens here. The monsters are the same as in the previous movie, every single attack is basically exactly the same. And if it was only a little bit interesting the first time around, then it isn't very interesting by the end. If anything, I think this movie might be better than the first one in the sense that it is a little more action oriented.

The acting is mostly pretty bad, the characters are mostly pretty irritating, and as some layers of detail are added to the nefarious alien plot it becomes even sillier sounding. Yes, we get a full on detailed explanation of everything from Kim Poirier, the aliens leader, just so that the viewer can grasp all the complexities of the film. Sheesh.

1.5 big keyboards out of 5
Rated R for some sexual content including nudity

Decoys (2004)

They're not what they seem.

Freshman buddies Luke and Roger meet two new students, Lilly and Constance, in the laundry room of their dorm building at St. Johns College. It would appear that Luke and Roger have every reason to celebrate. The two young women are beautiful and blatantly interested in them, inviting them to visit them in their dorms anytime. But Luke soon discovers that they are not what they seem but are instead a species of dangerous alien life forms.

Naturally nobody believes him at first. But soon more and more bodies of young men are turning up; frozen from the inside out. Now Luke is determined to stop the alien invasion no matter how many people think he is insane, or how many flamethrowers it takes.

It's douche bags vs. alien invaders in this corny camp fest. My guess: Earth is fucked. Decoys attempts to takes the loathsome teen comedy of movies like American Pie, and meld it with the sci-fi horror of movies like Alien. The result: not great.

Aside from a somewhat misogynist plot line, what else does this film offer? The acting, special effects, and dialogue are neither hideously poor, nor particularly exciting over-all. The film definitely starts to drag on in the middle, until it begins to hurry towards its somewhat goofy finale. The characters are mostly very obnoxious and unlikeable. Meanwhile the actual aliens are kind of cool with their crazy tentacles and all, but they are infrequently seen in alien form. This movie is could be skipped without missing much. Despite this, they made a sequel.

1.5 chests full of tentacles out of 5 
Rated R for sexuality and nudity.

Paul (2011)

Who's up for a close encounter? 

Graeme and Clive are two British nerds who have just been to comic-con and are on their way across the United States to visit supposed UFO sites. What they don't expect, however, is that they will come in contact with an actual alien. His name is Paul, and he's neither a man eating monster, nor a cute and cuddly creature looking to "phone home", he's just a regular guy.

The only trouble is that he has just escaped from Area 51, where he was slated for dissection. Now he is rushing to get to an unknown meeting point where he can be picked up by his people and taken back to his home planet. The FBI is on his trail and he is looking for a ride. Soon Graeme, Clive, and Paul hit the road in their rented R.V. running from the law and accidentally picking up Ruth Buggs, Christian fundementalist, along the way. It's bound to be an interesting ride.

Paul is the most recent gift to the world of movies from Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz). While I would put it as third out of their three films, competing with the other two is a pretty high standard. Paul is funny and action packed like its predecessors, but takes on a lighter over-all tone.

It's also helped along by a great cast. Naturally this includes Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in the lead roles of Graeme and Clive. But it also includes Seth Rogen as the voice of Paul, Kristen Wiig as Ruth, Jeffrey Tambor and Jason Bateman (Arrested Development), Sigourney Weaver, and Bill Hader, amongst others.

Another victory for Pegg and Frost. They've done horror, action, and sci-fi. Where will they go next?

4.5 out of 5
Rated R for language including sexual references, and some drug use.

Slither (2006)

A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. 

A meteor crash lands in the small town of Wheelsy, USA. Nobody really seems to notice, but everybody is about to wish they had. When Grant has a fight with his wife, Starla, he mopes off to the bar to have a drink and runs in to Brenda, the younger sister of his former girlfriend, who turns out to have a crush on him. The two of them drunkenly stumble into the woods, but Grant decides against cheating on his wife. He is about to head home when he notices something strange. A sort of slimy, egg-like, object is lying in the grass nearby. He pokes it with a stick and is hit by a projectile which shoots from the egg. Grant rushes home, unaware that he is now host to a bizarre alien life form.

With Brenda, Grant spawns hordes of nasty worm-like parasites which take over the bodies of their victims, turning them into flesh-starved zombies. Local sheriff Bill Pardy teams up with Starla in a race against time to save humanity from a very unpleasant fate.

Slither has something for just about everyone. You've got monsters, aliens, AND zombies. It's a sci-fi film, a horror movie, and definitely a dark comedy. It's a truly bizarre and gruesome tale of alien invasion. But the alien life form is sort of a parasite or "conscious disease" as they call it in the movie, which takes over the bodies of humans and animals and turns them into zombies with an unquenchable hunger for meat. The final stage of Grant's transformation into a sort of tentacled meat blob is particularly disgusting.

The movie also has a few other neat little surprises. For one thing there's a zombie deer, which is a first for me. I wondered for a moment if vegans wrote this movie. Jenna Fischer plays a supporting role as a secretary (surprise surprise) who turns into a zombie. Rob Zombie even has a cameo although only as a voice actor. All in all a pretty decent movie.

3.5 cases of lime disease out of 5
Rated R for strong horror violence and gore, and language.

Watch the Slither trailer. 

Pandorum (2009)

Don't fear the end of the world. Fear what happens next.

Two astronauts awaken from a cryogenic sleep to find themselves seemingly alone on what appears to be an abandoned space craft. They struggle to remember who they are, where they are going, and what their mission was. Meanwhile the ship experiences increasingly intense and dangerous power surges. They realize that they are in a race against time to resent the ships reactor. But they are about to discover something even more horrifying... they are not alone.

The two men race against time, and against their mysterious, deadly visitors, meeting friends and enemies along the way. Every turn reveals another terrible piece of the puzzle that ultimately proves their mission to be even more important than their own personal survival.

Pandorum's release may have come at an unfortunate moment. Namely, right between District 9, and Avatar - two great sci-fi films both of which were major successes with lots of advertising and media attention. It's box office intake was dismal and it did not establish a real high level of notoriety.

But these facts don't take away from the real bottom-line as far as the viewer is concerned - that Pandorum is actually a thoroughly watchable movie despite a certain level of campyness. But the movies budget, which was just slightly more than that of District 9, allowed for reasonable special effects and some fairly nasty looking bad guys - even if they do kind of resemble Gollum.

But really what keeps the movie interesting is the big question of what the heck is actually going on inside this ship. The answer doesn't come until near the end of the film and leaves the door open for two planned sequels which, unfortunately, will likely never be made due to the originals poor financial performance.But if they were made they would be worth watching for the same reason that you will keep watching the original from start through to finish; just to see what happens next.

3.5 loopy space men out of 5
Rated R for strong horror violence and language.

Watch the Pandorum trailer.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

A robot and a man . . . hold the world spellbound with new and startling powers from another planet!

An alien from another world (Klaatu), and his deadly robot (Gort), land on Earth, in the United States, just at the beginning of heightening Cold War tensions. After a less than warm welcome, Klaatu announces that he brings an urgent message to the leaders of the planet, but he is informed that it is impossible to convene all of the leaders due to rising international tensions. He instead tries to bring his message to the people of Earth through their most brilliant scientific minds.But Klaatu's plans are complicated by a society gripped by fear and bent on violent solutions.

Spoiler alert... Klaatu has arrived on Earth because human kinds recent development of nuclear weapons and rockets is considered to potentially threaten inter-galactic peace given the violent and warlike nature of human history and the rising tensions of the day. Klaatu and Gort have traveled to Earth to warn that humanity must change its ways or face obliteration.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a delightful sci-fi flick which is not only a lot of fun with its over the top acting, and dated special effects, but also carries a timely message of peace and dialogue rather than war. Of course real life isn't so simple. There are economic factors at play. It's not that those behind wars and occupations today just don't want to sit down and settle their differences because they hadn't considered that option - there's money to be made after all! But I digress. It's a great movie, and a total mockery of the fear, paranoia, and hawkishness of the Cold War era which may be over, but yet continues today in new forms.

Fun fact: the words that Patricia must speak to Gort in order to stop the obliteration of Earth are the same words Ash must speak in Army of Darkness.

4.5 laser beam eyes out of 5
Unrated. Contains mild violence.

Watch The Day the Earth Stood Still trailer.