Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

Just when you thought is was safe to go back to school.

Cheerleader Massacre continues the franchise started in the 1980's by the Slumber Party Massacre franchise. A leaky gas tank strands a bus load of cheerleaders in the woods. They walk to a cabin and prepare to hunker down for the night before attempting to find their way back to civilization in the morning. But what they don't know is that there is a crazed killer in their midst. Soon the cheerleaders, and those traveling with them, begin to fall victim to the unknown assailant.

This new chapter in the Massacre franchise is connected with the Slumber Party movies only very loosely. A few scenes at the beginning are close to total rip offs from the original Slumber Party film. Also there is a scene where the police interview a "survivor" from the original movie, leading to a flash back scene which is taken from the original. It was not previously revealed that this character, who seemed to have been killed early in the fist movie, has actually survived. Regardless, the scene ends up being of little importance to the film as a whole other than to connect it to the original series. It also suggests that the killer from the original film was still alive, a thoroughly unlikely suggestion as anyone who has seen the original can attest.

Aside from revising the first movies plot somehow, this film manages to make the Slumber Party movies look pretty good in comparison. Cheerleader Massacre suffers who horrendous acting (worse even than the earlier movies), crummy script, total lack of scares, almost total lack of gore, nearly no special effects worth mention, and an obviously low budget. Most of the killing is done off screen to avoid having to do make up or effects. The camera work looks like it was done on a handy cam or something and the villain(s) fail to inspire much fear.

As for the marginally feminist message of the original series, it seems to be lost on Cheerleader Massacre entirely. It does, however, turn out that the killer is driven by suffering inflicted by homophobia perpetrated by fellow students and cheerleaders. This particular social commentary is merely touched on in passing as an explanation for the murders however, and it not developed as a theme or a strong message behind the film as a whole.

The film ends in the usual way, with the surviving women managing to seemingly do-away with the killer, but the way is left wide open for further sequels which would be hard to top this in terms of over-all cruddy film making.

0.5 severed heads out of 5
Rated 18A/R for violence, sexuality/nudity, language and some drug material.

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Evil Dead The Musical

Diverging for a moment from strictly movie reviews...

Ash and his friends get more than their bargained for when they accidentally awaken demonic spirits while camping at a cabin in the woods. The demons posses his friends one by one causing them to go on murderous rampages and forcing Ash to fight for his survival. Sound like a great movie you once saw? Well, it is... except this time its live on stage and performed as a musical. 

Evil Dead The Musical combines aspects of all three films in the Evil Dead series with new made-for-stage scenes and songs for a hilarious and memorable live performance. If you want to be closer to the action, get seats in the splatter zone, which encompasses the first five rows or so. You may want to use the complimentary poncho.

One of the great parts of The Musical is that you get to watch Ash's transformation from the sniveling wimp of the original Evil Dead to the cocky smart-talking, boom stick toting hero of Army of Darkness all in one show. Get sprayed with blood while he replaces his possessed hand with the infamous chainsaw. Sing along to such masterpieces as "All the Men in My Life Keep Getting Killed by Candarian Demons" and "What the Fuck was That".

Evil Dead The Musical shouldn't be missed if it comes through your town.

5 dancing candarian demons out of 5


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Slumber Party Massacre 3 (1990)

It's driller time... and this bits for you!

Alright, you know the drill; a bunch of teenage girls have a slumber party and are interrupted by a misogynist mass murderer with a massive drill.Slumber Party 3 returns to the less campy style of the first film in the series, steering clear of the ultra-cheesy and downright silly motif of its immediate predecessor.

The basic plot remains identical and a few of the scenes are actually rehashed from the first and second movie. An attempt is made to create mystery around who the killer is, but it should be obvious from the moment you see the obnoxious douche bag... it's pretty hard not to see that one coming. Unfortunately the movie wastes a lot of time trying to play up this "mystery" rather than getting to the point, which makes for a slow start. Fifty minutes in the driller had only taken three victims.

Slumber Party Massacre 3 seems to aim to scare a little more strongly that the past films with a darker atmosphere, more graphic gore, and a killer that for a little while at the start actually almost seems like he might end up being a bit scary... although he turns out to be a complete goober. Massacre 3 also plays much more openly and violently on themes of misogyny and also, this time, of incest, making for a few disturbing moments.

There are also a few serious failures of logic in this movie. For example, why is it that on the second attempt to call the police, who believe that the whole thing is a prank, they decide that one of them will go check it out in an hour or so. If there was a murderer on the lose in a house full of teenagers wouldn't going around to take a look an hour later be a bit superfluous?  Why do the characters decide they need to go lock up all the doors and windows after they discover the first dead body - in the house! If the killer has left a victim in the house then he obviously is inside, so who are they locking out? How many lamps do these people have, and how many times can one get a lamp smashed on their head before they are knocked out, seriously brain damaged, or dead?

As with the first movie, the surviving women team up and put a violent end to their tormentor in one of the most satisfying scenes on the whole show. There are a few other memorable ones such as the "for sale" sign, chainsaw, and electrocution murders. If I were these folks, I think I'd give up on slumber parties by now...

2.5 deaths by vibrator out of 5
Rated 18A/R for violence & gore, disturbing scenes, sexuality, and nudity. 

Watch the Slumber Party Massacre 3 trailer. 


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Survival of the Dead (2009)

Survival isn't just for the living.

George A. Romero's newest chapter in the "... of the Living Dead" series takes place on an Island, well after the initial zombie outbreak took place. Two rival factions are fighting based on their respective views of how to deal with the zombies. Patrick O'Flynn leads a faction bent on physically eliminating all zombies in order to curb further outbreaks. His nemesis, Seamus Muldoon, aims to reform the zombies by teaching them the human behavior they once knew.

Muldoon gets the upper hand and exiles O'Flynn, who travels to the mainland and meets a band of renegade National Guards led by the "Sarge" who briefly appeared in Romero's previous film, Diary of the Dead. The two groups ultimately join forces and return to Plum Island, inciting a war between the two rival factions in the midst of an island riddled with the flesh-craving undead.

Survival of the Dead continues the greatest zombie franchise in existence, started by Romero with Night of the Living Dead in 1968. While it's hard to say that this new chapter is anywhere near topping some of Romero's zombie classics, it seems to continue the series nicely. Survival keeps the humour, the gore, and the obligatory underlying political and social commentary of the other films in the series. It may be a bit milder, but it's still gory and fun.

The movie was shot at Port Dover, Ontario, giving it one of the nicest backgrounds on which a blood and guts filled zombie flick has ever been filmed which makes for an interesting contrast. The actors, all Canadian, were all actually relatively decent. The plot was something different from your run of the mill zombie flick, and the script was actually intelligible. You'll know a Romero movie when you see it, beware of cheap immitations.

4 exploding zombie heads our of 5
Rated 18A/R for graphic violence & gore, language, and brief sexual content.


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Slumber Party Massacre 2 (1987)

A new kind of rocky horror.

Slumber Party Massacre 2 returns to the same basic premise as the original; a group of "teenagers" have a slumber party and are attacked by a murderer with a giant drill. In this sequel, the little sister of the first films protagonist is haunted by recurring visions and nightmares related to the events of the first film. She begins to believe that a new drill wielding lunatic is lurking around the condo at which she and her friends have holed up for a parents-free weekend. Of course, she turns out to be correct on that count, and finds herself and her friends struggling to survive against a douchey leather-clad rocker with a giant drill shaped like a guitar.

It's hard to do anything but despise this film for nearly the first half. The whole dreams/visions motif of the main character, Courtney, gets extremely old and over-done quite quickly. Many of the characters are exceptionally obnoxious, especially the males who are utter dufaces much like in the original. There is also little imaginable rationale for why the villain was done up like some sort of ridiculous rock star, other than possibly as a social commentary on the testosterone-heavy hair rock which the going musical trend for young males of the day.

With that said, as the movie went on and the action started up the movie got a lot more bearable. Sure, there are a lot of scenes that are just plain stupid. The killers little dance number was a bit much, they blatantly re-used the scene from the first movie of the two male characters peeping on the women, and did they really need that many shots of him playing his guitar-drill and performing that irritating cackle? On the other hand, there were some really memorable moments as well. Sheila's face exploding with puss, the police questioning the "teens" about the supposed disappearance of their friend, the chicken attack scene, etc.

As with the original, the men all get slaughtered without much trouble or resistance and it is the women protagonist, Courtney, who saves the day... although there's not much left to save but herself by that point. And, of course, the way is left wide open for another sequel of which so many more were yet to come...

2 pillow fights out of 5
Rated R for violence, language, and nudity.

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Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

Ripout! Barbeque! Devour! How long can you take it?

Cannibal Holocaust is an Italian film about a crew of anthropologists who travel deep into the jungles of South America in search of a tribe of purported cannibals. When they disappear, Professor Harold Monroe travels from New York in search of them and finds their missing film.

The film reveals the shocking journey of the anthropologists and their violent demise at the hands of the aboriginals whom they had tormented viciously upon their arrival.

There are different schools of thought about this film. One says that the original goal was to put forward a progressive message about the treatment of the Third World by the First. Very little evidence seems to exist to verify this. Instead, the film seems to aim to take the throne as the most shocking and gruesome movie ever made, a title is may well have earned through its depictions of murder, rape, cannibalism, mutilation, and animal cruelty.

While the animal cruelty is, unfortunately and despicably, real, the others are (as far as is known) not. With that said, the producers of the film were in fact brought before a court after the film was released and forced to prove that they had in fact not murdered one of the female aboriginal actors in the film who is impaled on a steak in the movie.

Cannibal Holocaust remains banned in many countries and only recently became legal in Canada and the United States with an R and X rating respectively. This film is undoubtedly not for the weak of heart or stomach. Nor is it for those who find it difficult to condone unbridled racism and misogyny. Besides, horror movies should be scary and fun to watch. This is neither.


0 cannibals out of 5
Rated R/X for intense violence and gore, sexual content, nudity, rape, you name it.

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The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Close your eyes for a second... and sleep forever.

A teenage girls slumber party is crashed by an escaped electric drill wielding serial killer in The Slumber Party Massacre, the first of a series of spin off sequels in a franchise which, although less well known, rivals the likes of Halloween and Friday the 13th in length.

Slumber Party has all the hallmarks of other slasher films from the golden age of the sub-genre from whence is came; low budget, cheesy effects, bad acting, and a bunch of "teenage" characters who appear to be about ten years older than they are supposed to be getting sliced and diced by a madman.

What sets Slumber Party apart is that it is purported to be a "feminist slasher," which is undeniably an interesting concept since one thing that slasher films usually aren't considered to be known for is their feminism.

Not far into the movie it seems very questionable how justified it's feminist cred actually is. None of the female characters seemed particularly heroic or bright, and the abundance of female nudity outdid Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street combined easily. One could easily assume this movie was actually made by a hormone driven teenage boy rather than a bunch of feminists. Granted, all the male characters are absolute ass-hats, but that doesn't necessarily denote anything.

As the film progresses the drill wielding women hater manages to off two victims before the slumber party even begins. He then quickly makes his way through several more including a few various folks who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The young women eventually get some help from their neighbor and her younger sister as well as their gym teacher, all of whom have grown suspicious and come to check out the situation at the house.

Finally, when the surviving women work together they are able to finish off the killer with a machete and the credits role, fairly abruptly. By the end of the film it's message becomes more clear than in its first half where it appears to be no more than a more boring version of other slasher movies but with more naked women. The killer represents the oppression of women and the movies conclusion is a clear message that by working together women can overcome it. There's even a comically symbolic scene where the heroine lops off the killer drill bit with a machete.

Putting the films political message aside though, Slumber Party falls short of some of the other early slasher flicks in a variety of ways. For one thing, the villain isn't scary. He is a creep, for sure and he is easy to hate... but not scary. A guy in a red neck tuxedo with a drill just doesn't measure up to Michael Myers and you immediately get the impression that if a couple of these young women had decided to work together earlier on they could have kicked this wimpy misogynist goof's ass in the first half hour... but that wouldn't have made for much of a movie. On top of this, the killer is extremely boring, doing in each of his victims in basically the exact same way. Suspense, atmosphere, and character development are also all lacking, making it easy to passively watch the movie without getting too concerned about what might or might not happen. This is one slasher that may have actually had a lot more potential than it ended up using, but with remakes in style right now who knows, maybe it will get a second stab at it.

2.5 power drills out of 5
Rated 18A/R for violence, sexual content, nudity, language, and drug use.


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Severance (2006)

The company is making cutbacks. 

Office Space meets Friday the 13th in Severance, a slasher comedy about a sales team from an international weapons manufacturer who go for a "team-building" exercise in the mountains of Eastern Europe where they encounter a crazed gang of soldiers intent on reaping revenge on the team of weapons sellers.

The team is gruesomely killed off one by one, but Steve (Danny Dyder) and Maggie (Laura Harris), manage to escape and find the company CEO partying it up with two escorts and who manages to destroy their only means of escape while trying to blow up the killers who are still in hot pursuit. The boss ultimately gets what he deserves and Laura and one of the escorts save the day, allowing for themselves as well as Steve and the other escort to escape in a boat.

Any office worker should be able to appreciate this film for its commentary on office life. There is some other social commentary implicit here as well with regards to war and also with regards to women who come out as the heroes in this film despite the fact that any feminist cred that this movie might have had is a bit tarnished by the scenes of topless women running screaming through the forest.

Overall, Severance successfully mixes humor, horror, gore, social commentary, and even a bit of drama into one really excellent movie.

5 flamethrowers out of 5

Rated R for strong bloody violence, language, drug content and some sexuality/nudity.

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Dead Alive (1992)

 Some things won't stay down... even after they die.

Today Peter Jackson is famous for his work directing the Lord of the Rings series, and the 2005 King Kong remake. But in 1992 he released another, less known, masterpiece.

Lionel is a adult man still living at home under the abusive heel of his mother. But when his mother is bitten by a Sumatran rat-monkey while spying on Lionel on a date with his new girlfriend, Paquita, things start to get interesting. His mother falls ill and her mind and body quickly begin to deteriorate, eventually transforming her into a flesh eating zombie whom Lionel makes the ill fated decision to hide in the basement. 

To make a long story short, it turns out that Lionel's mother has a propensity for infecting others and Lionel soon has a basement full of flesh-starved zombies living downstairs. The assortment of flesh eaters includes a baby zombie, the result of rare zombie-to-zombie copulation and the subject of several highly amusing scenes throughout the remainder of the film.

To make matters worse, Lionel's uncle soon takes possession of the house and decides to throw a huge party which, predictably, ends up with the zombies escaping and wrecking havoc upon the party goers. Lionel is finally forced to break out of his introverted, beaten-down shell and put a stop to the rampage through some fairly creative and messy means, as well as face his control-freak mother in her new demonic form.

Dead Alive, also known as Braindead, is one of the finest examples of zombie cinema with a comedic edge. It's characters are purposely absurd, and well played. The plot, dialogue and special effects are stretched to the point of complete silliness making for a stark contrast between explicit gory violence, and goofy hilarity. The rat-monkey, zombie baby, intestine monster, and ninja priest are all just added bonuses.


5 rat-monkeys out of 5
Rated 18A/R for an abundance of outrageous gore.

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Orgy of the Dead (1965)

Come... let me take you in my golden arms!

John, a horror writer, and his girlfriend Shirley, crash their car while traveling to a cemetery in search of inspiration for John's next story. They are seized by ghouls in extremely unconvincing costumes, and taken to the "Ruler of the Dark". They are then held captive and forced to join him in viewing the "dance of the dead".

You might be surprised to find out that the "dance of the dead" is actually a long string of topless women parading through one after another. If these dancers are intended to be "the dead" then they are even less convincing that the Halloween costume-clad ghouls. In fact, they are all young, attractive, seemingly quite healthy (i.e. not deceased) women.

The acting and dialogue would be bad, if they weren't irrelevant and almost non-existent except as filler between dancers. After about an hour and a half of this (probably 15 minutes of which isn't just topless dancers) the movie ends.

Ed Wood's Orgy of the Dead hardly belongs in the horror movie section, but nonetheless that is where you will find it in video stores today, probably for lack of a better idea of where to place it. Some have hyped up Orgy of the Dead as a "classic". It has even been converted into a live show. In reality it is basically the equivalent of going to a strip club except with a smoke machine and some goofy costumes thrown in. If that's the sort of thing you are looking for, this is for you. Otherwise, I'd skip it.

1 undead stripper out of 5
Unrated: contains nudity. 

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Friday the 13th (2009)

Welcome to Crystal Lake.

In 1980, Friday the 13th began one of the most well known and successful horror movie franchises in history. It helped to shape the slasher film, which was exploding into the dominant horror sub-genre of the time. It also led to 10 sequels, which ranged from great to awful.

In 2009, someone got the idea to take a stab (no pun intended) at remaking it. We all know the story, a group of teenagers out at Crystal Lake get gruesomely slaughtered one by one by a hockey mask wearing maniac. That basic plot line remains in tact but with some tinkering. For example, they are at the lake, near the infamous camp of the original movies, but instead they are at a cabin. There are a few other really stupid alterations as well. To name a few; what is with the whole part about the stoners growing weed out on Jason's turf? Since when does Jason run, jump, set traps, and take hostages!? Where did these tunnels under Jason's cabin come from? Is that really what he spent his time doing in between killing swathes of teenagers? Digging tunnels!?

On top of poorly chosen changes to the plot and main character the film has other deficiencies as well. The dialogue is ridiculously poor. The acting... well, nobody ever expected too much in that department from a slasher movie anyhow. The characters are obnoxious enough that you just want them to get sliced and diced so that the wretched movie can be over with. If you are unlucky (no pun intended again) to have to see this movie please do not allow it to taint you feelings towards the whole franchise. Go check out some of the older Friday the 13th movies, especially the first three, and you will presently surprised with the contrast to this ill conceived re-make.

1.5 tch tch tch ha ha ha's out of 5
Rated 18A/R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, nudity, language and drug material. 

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Eternal Blood (2002)

This is one tough neighborhood.

Eternal Blood, or "Sangre Eterna", is a Chilean vampire movie about a a group of teenagers who engage in a role playing game by the same name, similar to Dungeons and Dragons. They encounter Dahmer, the drug dealing host of a series of underground parties, the leader of the group, M, suspects him of being a real vampire. As the line between reality and fantasy blurs ever more,  M finds himself grappling for answers: is Dahmer a vampire? are his friends? who can he trust? is a lunar eclipse to blame, or are drugs, or is M just going mad? The situation spirals violently out of control as M's investigations lead him to a startling conclusion.

Reviewers are generally severely polarized between those who love and hate this movie. I, personally, am a fan. Sangre Eterna strays from the usual vampire story plot which we have all seen done time and time again before, sometimes well and sometimes poorly. It keeps you guessing as to what is really going on, which has been cited as a complaint by some reviewers who are obviously fans of cookie-cutter movies with predictable plots and endings. The make up, costumes, and characters are interesting and different. The soundtrack is also kind of cool, featuring Spanish-language metal bands whose music videos are included in the DVD special features. It may take a few minutes to get used to the dubbed-over English, but it is worth it.

4.5 dead guys out of 5
Rated R for strong violence and gore, drug use, sexuality and language.

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Night of the Demons (1988)

Angela is having a party, Jason and Freddy are too scared to come. But You'll have a hell of a time.

A group of Catholic High School students decide to abscond to an abandoned funeral parlor "Hull House" for Halloween. What they don't count on is that the parlor is infested with blood thirsty demons which are unleashed upon the unsuspecting party goers during a seance. The demons inhabit the bodies of their victims, resulting in about 90 minutes of utterly hilarious, gore-infused fun.

Night of the Demons is a classic for sure. Along with Evil Dead, it sits at the top of the food chain in terms of demon-possession related movies and stands out above the seemingly endless plethora of cheese-ball 1980's horror flicks. It has a fun soundtrack, and a whole lot of weird and wonderful scenes. What is up with that lipstick? It's got some characters you want to see shredded by demons, and some that you can root for to. It spawned two amazing sequels and in September 2010 a remake will be released much to the excitement of horror fans who know what they are talking about everywhere.

5 dead guys out of 5
Rated 18A/R. Sex & nudity, violence & gore, frightening scenes.

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The Orphanage (2007)

A tale of love. A story of horror.

The Orphanage is a Spanish film (this means subtitles for those who don't speak Spanish) from director Juan Antonio Bayona (Pans Labyrinth). A couple raising their young son in a former orphanage begin to experience strange events starting with their sons adoption of imaginary friends, the appearance of an unknown masked child, and finally the disappearance of their son. The ensuing search leads to the unraveling of the mysterious, and horrifying history of the orphanage, and a conclusion which will leave you guessing till the end.

The Orphanage is a genuinely creepy, frightening film... one of very few to have come out in recent years in which all out gore-fests have been largely favored over suspense and scariness. Definitely recommendable for fans of psychological horror, suspense, and ghost stories. Check it out, it's worth reading the subtitled for.

5 dead guys out of 5.
Rated 18A/R for some disturbing content. 

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Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Never sleep again.

The original Nightmare on Elm Street was released in 1984 and quickly became one of the best known horror movie franchises in the world, spawning (for better or worse) seven sequels. That being the case, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that after recent remakes of other slasher classics like Halloween and Friday the 13th, a Nightmare on Elm Street remake should happen to find its way to the big screen. 

The remake, which was not written by Wes Craven and does not star Robert Englund as the infamous Freddy Krueger, seemed like a big question mark to me right off the bat. This was compounded by having watched the horrendous attempt at a Friday the 13th remake just a few months prior. Despite this, the 2010 version of Nightmare was not a complete disappointment. 

Still present were the obligatory finger knives, the blurred the line between reality and dream in order effect frightening surprises (sometimes more successfully than others), and all the basic elements of the original plot despite some tinkering. Missing, however, were Freddy's inane wise-cracks, which became normal fare throughout the sequels to the original masterpiece. With that said, I doubt anyone will shed a tear for the loss of those... 

Unfortunately, some of the most memorable classic scenes from the original are missing altogether, or altered to the point of being unrecognizable. These include the bed exploding with blood, Freddy lopping off his own fingers just to prove a point, etc. The scenes which replace them simply don't fill the shoes and despite some pretty freaky moments, the remake doesn't have quite the same over-all atmosphere as the original.

Better than many of the sequels, doesn't come close to the original, but still worth checking out.

3 dead guy's out of 5 

Rated 18A/R for strong bloody horror violence, disturbing images, terror and language.

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Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

The first testament says "an eye for an eye." - The second testament says "love thy neighbour." - The third testament ... Kicks Ass!!!

Jesus returns to Earth, but his job turns out to be a bit trickier than scripture suggested. The kung-fu fighting (apparently it's true) savior runs up against some serious trouble with a gang of ruffian Vampires who can walk in sunlight and aren't morally offended by taking a swing at God's only begotten son. Luckily he obtains the assistance of a skin-tight jumpsuit wearing heroine and famous Mexican wrestler El Santo. Not sure how the two of them got left out of both the Old and New Testaments. I guess God wanted to leave a few things out just for the purpose of surprise. God the Son also manages to help teach us all a valuable message about equality of sexual orientations, much to the chagrin, no doubt, of the more bigoted amongst his followers.

It's a horror movie, it's a musical, it's a kung-fu flick, it's a comedy, it's low budget, it's... absolutely and utterly bizarre. And, in it's own odd way, it's pretty darn awesome.

5 dead guys out of 5
Not rated. Contains violence.

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Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

They will eat your brains out!

In this, the fifth offering in the Return of the Living Dead series, we see the return of Necropolis "hero" Julian, who fails at life yet again when he and his friends accidentally produce a new rave drug called Z which ends up turning those who use it into vicious brain munching zombies.

If you thought Necropolis was bad, you haven't seen this yet. Rave to the Grave is undoubtedly the worst in the series, and perhaps one of the worst zombie films I have seen thus far over-all. The acting is horrendous. The plot is ludicrous. The special effects are even more dismal than in predecessor films. I'm afraid not even Aimee-Lynn can't help this film out of utter failure.

Redeeming features? Well, a whole lot of ravers get devoured... I guess that counts.

0.5 dead guys out of 5
Rated 18A/R for strong violence/gore, sexuality, nudity, drug use and language. 

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Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)

You cannot kill what is already dead.

In the fourth installment of the Return of the Living Dead series (not to be confused with the "... of the Dead" series of George A. Romero), a group of less than convincing high school students are pitted against yet more brain eating zombies at an evil corporate compound.

Necropolis attempts to be a plot-heavy movie, which is not particularly necessary. Let's face it, in a movie like this the plot is kind of like that of a porn flick... it's only a vehicle to get you from one action scene to the next. Of course in this case it's brains that are being eaten... not anything else.

Unfortunately the result of this is that it takes an hour to really see any zombies and by the time, you will probably be asleep. However, if you can make it through the absurdity, horrendous acting, and utter dullness, you will find the odd moment of undead fun. I hate to spoil it, but let's put it this way: nunchuks, karate, cyborg zombies, and a whole lot of douche bags getting what they probably deserve. It also benefits from the presence of the charming actress Aimee-Lynn Chadwick aka "Becky," who's acting is slightly less abysmal than most of her co-stars and comes out as pretty much the only character I didn't actually want to see eaten by the undead.

2.5 dead guys our of 5
Rated 18A/R for horror violence/gore and language.

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The Crazies (2010)

Fear thy neighbor.

The 2010 remake of George A. Romero’s classic anti-war B movie The Crazies is bound to please any fan of horror and sci-fi films. Jam packed with suspense, action, and its share of gore, The Crazies is a genuinely frightening and suspenseful film which few movies to come from North American film makers in recent years could match.

But The Crazies isn’t just thrills and fake blood, it carries forward the anti-war message of the 1973 original. When a top secret bio-chemical weapon is accidentally released on the population on a small town, it results in many of the townspeople being turned into homicidal maniacs. The military intervenes, attempting to contain the effects of the weapon through the use of brute force against all those who are, or may be, infected. A small group of citizens are left to navigate through unspeakable horrors in an attempt to escape through the danger of infection, gangs of trigger happy soldiers, and murderous “crazies,” to freedom.

The Crazies is also partnered with the Chemical Security campaign being run in the United States by Greenpeace which is working with other environmental groups for strict legislation to protect people and the environment from exposure to dangerous chemicals from plants and factories with unsafe processes.
If you don’t get a chance to catch The Crazies in theaters, watch for it on DVD later this year. You won’t regret it!

5 dead guys out of 5
Rated R for bloody violence and language. 

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Back from the Grave

A few years ago there was a website operated by an undead film critic by the name of Living Dead Guy. Unfortunately, that website eventually faded away when Living Dead Guy fell off the bandwagon, went back to eating fresh brains out of the skulls of unsuspecting victims with a spoon, and was eventually entombed deep in the Earth by a bunch of lousy do-gooders.

It took five years to dig his way out, to save up enough cash from the wallets of various dinners and lunches, to buy a computer, and to set up this blog, but Living Dead Guy is back... and ready for round two.