Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)

Whoever wins... we lose!

A bounty hunter con man, a military scientist, and a special agent, form an unlikely team that must work together to save the world from two giant, prehistoric beasts; the Mega Shark, and Crocosaurus. But the monsters cross each others path as well, leading to some good old fashioned monster on monster battle action.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus is one of those movies that looks really awesome, but you know it won't be, but you have to watch it anyhow. It isn't awesome, just so you know. This movie has no real plot. That's ok because its predictable for this kind of movie. Hideously poor acting. Shitty special effects. Even those are somewhat forgiveable given that we are dealing with a giant monster movie. But the monsters kind of suck too, and that doesn't leave much to be impressed with.

Both Mega Shark and Crocosaurus are basically really poorly done computer graphics with very little detail or realism. Neither of them inspire much terror. Actually, the DVD cover art is the coolest part about this movie, and the scariest. Plus, considering the term "vs." is in the title, one could fairly expect that the two creatures would be fighting it out at some point. Well, they do. For about 30 seconds. Mostly the focus is on a group of really crappy actors trying to find a way to blow them both up instead.

Gary Stretch plays Nigel Putnam, the racist bounty hunter. His character is intended to be racist and generally unpleasant. But actually the film itself basically depicts "the African's" as childish, superstitious, and gullible on the whole. It felt like there was a little more racism going on that just that which was overt. Sarah Lieving played the over the top special agent. And yes, Steve Urkel (Jaleel White) IS in this movie. In fact, he is basically the star of it. Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus got any cheese? Plenty Urkel... plenty.

1 mega pixel out of 5
Rated R for some language

Shutter (2008)

Revenge Never Dies!

Ben and Jane, a pair of American newly-weds, move to Japan in pursuit of a job opportunity with a fashion photography company. During their trip, while driving late at night on a dark road in a forested area, they collide with a young woman and lose control of their car. But when they wake up, there is no sign of the woman or her body.

They arrive in Tokyo and move into their new suite. Ben begins his photography job and reconnects with old friends while Jane tries to settle in to their new home. But strange, ghostly blurs begin to show up in Ben's photographs and Jane, then Ben, begin to have disturbing visions and dreams. Jane comes to the frightening conclusion that they are being haunted by the ghost of the woman they hit on the road and she begins to research "spirit photography" in hope of finding answers. But her investigation only leads her closer to the increasingly disturbing truth behind the tormented spirit that is stalking her and her new husband.

Shutter is a truly haunting ghost film which will be enjoyed by fans of modern Asian horror films. That's because it is actually a remake of a Thai film by the same name. Some of the most frightening stuff out there over the past couple decades has been flowing out of Asia, and then being snapped up and remade in the United States. I look forward to the original, because this film was a good one.

This is a movie that does well in terms of suspense, plot development, and tonnes of "jump" moments. It even has a great ending. Without saying too much, it is disturbing, and then satisfying. A ghost film turned revenge film, the villain gets what's deserved. The ghost, Megumi, is scary. Think The Ring, or The Grudge; two more examples of fantastic scare fests pilfered through U.S. cultural imperialism. The only problem with this film is that once it gets going, it feels like we are seeing Megumi constantly, every few minutes, until it becomes common place and the fright value starts to weaken a bit. Still, check this one out.

4 spirit photos out of 5
Rated PG-13 for terror, disturbing images, sexual content and language

[Rec] (2007)

One Witness. One Camera

A young TV reporter and her cameraman spend the night covering the daily life of local fire fighters in Barcelona. Their mundane assignment gets a bit more interesting when the team is called out to an apartment building by an elderly woman who claims to be trapped in her suite, but they have no idea what they are really in for.

When they arrive they find the woman covered in blood, with a dead body in her apartment, and a highly aggressive demeanour. Suddenly the team, and the residents, find themselves quarantined inside the apartment building as an increasingly terrifying situation develops around them and spreads out of their control.

[Rec] employs the shaky camera, "found footage" style which was popularized years earlier by The Blair Witch Project. Not everyone is fan of the style of film, but it certainly adds to the sense of realness and chaos which prevails through most of the movie.

The effective thing about this film is that it plays heavily on fear of the unknown. It also builds up gradually from its calm beginning towards total terror. You almost don't see it coming, but it just keeps getting better, scarier, darker, right to the last minutes.

If you are looking for a horror movie that truly delivers the scares, [Rec] is for you. It's no suprise that it was remade almost immediately as the US film Quarantine.

4.5 zombie outbreaks out of 5
Rated R for bloody horror violence and language

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

In darkness, there can be light. In misery, there can be beauty. In death, there can be life....

The year is 1944. Franco's fascist rebels have overthrown Spain's Republican government and replaced it with a brutal and authoritarian regime. Guerilla's loyal to the democratic ideals of the republic continue to fight in the mountains, the fascist administration is determined to root them out.

Meanwhile, a young girl name Ofelia is sent to the country side with her pregnant mother to live with her ruthless and cruel step father, a Captain in Franco's army. There she imagines another world where she can escape from the horrible realities around her.

She meets a fairy who takes her to a labyrinth where an old faun tells her she is actually a princess, but must prove her royalty by completing four grisly tasks. If she succeeds, she will be able to return as a princess to her kingdom, and see her real father once again.

Pan's Labyrinth is a visually beautiful, excellently written film which combines history, drama, fantasy, action, and horror with complete success. The parallel realities of the war with all its violence and intrigue on one hand, and Ofelia's fantasy world on the other, compliment each other and provide scene after scene of powerful imagery. At the same time, the characters are well acted and carefully crafted to ensure that the viewer will develop an emotional reaction to each of them, which pulls them into the story increasingly as it approaches its sad, yet satisfying conclusion.

This is a Spanish film. With that said, for those who don't like to read, suck it up. This is a great film which is well worth the subtitles. Director and Writer Guillermo del Toro did everything right with this masterpiece.

5 fauns out of 5
Rated R for graphic violence and some language

Session 9 (2001)

Fear Is A Place.

A crew of workers are hired to clean asbestos out of a long-abandoned psychiatric institution. The job is rushed, but otherwise should be routine. But their work is complicated by simmering tensions amongst its members which are on the verge of boiling over.

Meanwhile as the crew delves further into the building and its horrific history, it seems almost as if the past is coming back to haunt them. This is exacerbated when one of the crew members plays recordings of sessions with a disturbed young woman suffering from a multiple personality disorder. Each session brings us closer to the truth about the reasons behind her placement in the institution, all of which is finally revealed in session 9. But by then, it may be too late.

I will admit that when I turned it on and realized David Caruso was one of the stars, thoughts of CSI Miami went through my head and doubts began to form. But this might be the best thing the guy has done, and its undeniably effective, as is Peter Mullan and the rest of the cast.

Session 9 is a legitimately scary, suspenseful, and mysterious movie. From the moment they set foot in the old building the mood is set. It's dark, spooky, you expect ghosts to jump out at you any second and nothing seems safe. There is a heavy feeling that something awful has happened, is happening, will happen. But you won't know what it is until the end.

The team itself seems ready to explode with anger, and possibly violence, at any given moment as personal difference and emotions are exacerbated by the race to finish the job. Meanwhile two mysteries unfold in tandem as one of the team members listens to the disturbing session recordings. What is happening to the team? What is happening to the girl in the recordings? The answer to both becomes clear only as the film comes to its unsettling end.

Session 9 is the type of horror that most film makers have forgotten how to make. It does more than merely assault you with gruesome visuals, it attacks your imagination, toys with your understanding of reality, and is completely uncompromising. It's the kind of complex, powerful horror film that you would be hard pressed today to find outside of the world of independent films like this one.

4 bloody hazmat suits out of 5
Rated R for language and brief strong violence

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Crime Will Pay

Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.), and his sidekick Dr. Watson (Jude Law) capture the serial killer and cult leader Lord Blackwood. The supposed sorcerer is hanged, but mysteriously he rises from the grave to continue his killing spree, and attempt to take over the British empire.

Holmes and Watson must now stop Blackwood and his band of cultists despite the interference of Scotland Yard, Watson's new fiancée, and Holmes' love interest, who seems to be playing both sides. Naturally, Holmes will eventually unravel this web of deceit and trickery in order to reveal the truth behind Blackwood's so-called black magic, and bring him to justice.

Sherlock Holmes undoubtedly upset many purists who saw the film as a departure from the original books. Not having read the books, and not being interested in asinine purist concerns, that's alright by me. Actually, Sherlock Holmes is a highly entertaining film with excellent acting and script, a well thought out story line, and good special effects. It's funny, and the mystery behind Blackwood's evil deeds remains right through to the end when all is sensibly explained. And a sequel is on the way...

3.5 parlour tricks out of 5
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, some startling images and a scene of suggestive material

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Freddy Vs. Jason! Place your bets!

Freddy Krueger invades Jason Voorhees' dreams in order to bring him to Elm Street and unleash him on the local teenage population while Freddy awaits the moment when he will be strong enough to kill again on his own.

But Jason just can't help himself and continues his rampage, encroaching on Freddy's turf and sparking a show down between two of the most infamous slasher villains of all time. Meanwhile, local teenager Lori Campbell (Monica Keena) is caught in the middle of the deadly battle between two contestants who both have one ultimate objective; to kill her and her friends.

Freddy vs. Jason marks the final film in both the original Nightmare on Elm Street series, as well as the original Friday the 13th franchise. The movie starts out strong, seeming like it could return to the darker, grittier side of the two series, both of which ultimately had declined towards the cheesy side during several of their later sequels.

Unfortunately this strong start doesn't last all the way through. Freddy is less cheesy than he is during the Dream sequels, or Freddy's Dead, but still has his campy moments. Jason is his usual silent, but deadly, machete wielding self. The effects are modern, but nothing phenomenal. The acting is a mixed bag, with highlights being Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, and (of course), Katherine Isabelle.

There are some major plot holes and questionable story progressions. For example, when Jason carries out a murderous rampage against a group of douche-bag ravers, the survivors decide to escape and drive home to get some sleep before discussing their next move. Calling the police? An ambulance? Nah...

Also, if Freddy could manipulate Jason's dreams to get him to come to Elm Street, why couldn't he do the same to get him to leave? I suppose because they would then have no reason to fight and that would defeat the purpose of the action packed second half of the movie. Admittedly, this part is kind of cool in terms of getting to watch the two of them fight it out. Any slightly scary moments are long over by the half way mark though because its all just slicing and dicing from there on.

All in all, Freddy vs. Jason mostly fails in terms of returning to the suspenseful, scary roots of the two series. But it does succeed in being entertaining.

3 bed foldings out of 5
Rated R for pervasive strong horror violence/gore, gruesome images, nudity/sexuality, drug use and language

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

This time, staying awake won't save you.

As the 10th anniversary of the original Nightmare on Elm Street film approaches, Heather Langenkamp, who played Nancy in the first film, starts to receive frightening phone calls from a man who sounds like Freddy Krueger.

Heather begins to have terrifying visions and nightmares, and her young son starts to suffer from disturbing dreams and episodes. Then, her husband is killed in a suspicious accident. Heather starts to fear that Freddy is real and is coming to get her.

But her seemingly paranoid fears become reality when she learns that Wes Craven is writing a new Nightmare film. The script is based on his nightmares, and what happens in the script is happening in real life. Freddy is entering the real world, and Heather will have to play the role of Nancy one more time if she is to stop him.

The concept may not be particularly believable, but neither was the original concept, so lets not let that bother us now. After all, this is fantasy, it's meant to scare you, not to be realistic. The fact is that New Nightmare gave a franchise that had deteriorated into a ridiculous caricature of its original self one last breath of fresh air. Wes Craven returned and took the ostensibly finished series in a whole new direction while also returning it to its dark, scary roots.

Freddy is darker, creepier, and so is the movie. Plenty of unsettling scenes, jumps, and suspense. The acting is very good for a Nightmare film, Miko Hughes was great as Heather's troubled son, Dylan. Langenkamp was great again of course, and I also really liked Tracy Middendorf as Julie; a character that you kind of think is likely to get it, but you really hope she doesn't. Characters who have enough development and who are likeable enough that you actually hope they will pull through... an idea lost on most of the other sequels.

Craven writes himself in a few minutes to explain the concept and weaves in the chance to pontificate momentarily about films being watered down for mass consumption, or banned, which applies this very series in the case of the former, and several of his own films in the case of the later. One has to think what a shame it is that Craven didn't have a hand in a few more of the sequels, but that didn't come to pass. Nonetheless, New Nightmare remains probably the scariest and more different of the Nightmare sequels.

4 projectile black sludge vomits out of 5
Rated R for explicit horror violence and gore, and for language

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

Evolution Becomes Revolution

Scientist Will Rodman is heading up a team that is working on a new treatment for Alzheimer's. The treatment, which is being tested on apes, shows promising signs of reversing the effects of the disease. But when one of the apes undergoing testing gives birth, Will learns that when applied to a brain that is undamaged by Alzheimer's, the treatment leads to stunning increases in intelligence.

Will takes the infant ape, Caesar, into his care, keeping it safe from the dangers of the lab and observing its amazing development. But when Caesar defends Will's Alzheimer's stricken father from the abuse of a nasty neighbour, he is confiscated by Animal Control and placed in a "sanctuary" where he is witness to, and the victim of, horrible abuse at the hands of the depraved staff.

Caesar reacts to the abuse and enslavement at the hands of his human captors in the only logical way. Using his advanced intelligence, he leads his fellow apes to revolt.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a resounding success in all respects. The plot and sequence of events is believable. The acting is excellent and the character development is effective, especially in the case of Caesar. The CGI is phenomenal, particularly the main feature of the film, the apes, which are incredibly detailed and realistic. The CGI motion capture of Andy Serkis as Caesar is particularly impressive. Even though Caesar can't speak through most of the film, one almost feels as though they could verbalize his every thought and emotion.

If you somehow haven't questioned it already, you will question the ethics of animal testing and the predominate moral code in our society regarding the treatment of the planet and other living things. Not to mention the corporate greed, inherent in our socio-economic system, which played a significant role in the events leading up to the ape uprising. Then you'll see the downtrodden apes rise up to conquer humanity... and you'll cheer them on.

The only fault with this movie is that it should have been about twice as long. We only get as far as the initial ape uprising. There are all kinds of hints at what comes next, but we will just have to wait for the coming sequels to see those events unfold. Major credit is due to the writers and director of this film for managing to breath a whole new life into a franchise that is over 40 years old and already boasts five original films and a remake. That's not an easy task, but it is done here successfully.

4.5 bloody sneezes out of 5
Rated PG-13 for intense and frightening sequences of action and violence

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

You Think You Know About Dreams... You Know Nothing!

In this sixth and not-so-final addition to the Nightmare franchise Freddy finally succeeds in finishing off the last of the teenagers in his home town, and all the adults enter a state of mass psychosis. Now Freddy is out to find a new batch of victims.

As it would turn out, Freddy has a previously unmentioned daughter born of a wife whom he murdered. Now intends to use her in order to access new prey. Lucky for him, she just happens to work in a home for troubled teens.

Freddy's Dead carries forward the tradition of the Dream sequels. The acting ranges from bad to hilariously over the top, and character development is negligible. Freddy remains an almost comical figure, killing people in ironic and cartoonish fashions while making increasingly bad puns. The gore is even more toned down and there's only one "jump scene" that I can recall.

As a result, one can watch this film from start to finish without feeling particularly concerned with the outcome... which we already know due to the title. The deeper look at Freddy's past and origins was kind of cool, but could have been done in a much more effective and terrifying way had this film stuck to the style of the original.

The original Nightmare on Elm Street had everything right; it was scary, Freddy was a serious villain, the characters had some background to them and you could take interest in their fate, the acting was decent, and the effects were great.

Unfortunately, the Nightmare series quickly began to lose its edge starting right away to some extent with the first sequel, more with the second, and completely with the rest that followed. Luckily Wes Craven returned after this sad "finale" to give this series one last triumphant kick at the can.

1 frying pan to the face out of 5
Rated R for horror violence, and for language and drug content.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5: The Dream Child (1989)

Now Freddy's A Daddy, He's Killing For Two.

Freddy returns again, this time through the dreams of Alice's unborn child. Freddy slashes through a new batch of Alice's friends while hoping to be reborn into the real world by possessing Alice's baby.

Only Freddy's deceased mother can stop him, but for that to happen Alice must find her body and free her soul from its earthly resting place.

The Dream Child marks yet another weak sequel in the Nightmare series. Whereas in the previous sequel a dog urinating on Freddy's grave was all it took to revive him, this time for some reason a complex scheme involving being reborn through Alice is required. If he can act through a baby's dreams, why can't he do the same with an adult? Either way, Freddy Krueger babies? Another solid argument for the pro-choice cause.

This addition to the franchise brings more bad acting, more bad jokes, more campy death scenes, and more obnoxious characters. It's effectiveness as a frightening horror film is negligible as none of the scenes are particularly terrifying and all of Freddy's jokes are designed to lead up to another cheesy punch line. The plot is unnecessarily contrived and actually makes little sense.

However, if you are going to watch any of the three Nightmare on Elm Street "Dream" sequels you might consider turning them into a drinking game. A drink for every bad joke, obvious statement, or foolish move on the part of one of the protagonists would be one way to get really messed up in a really big hurry.

If nothing else, at least they made no attempt to pretend that the series was over with this film, instead it is left clearly open for the next film which despite being called "Freddy's Dead: The Final Friday" still won't be the final say.

1.5 hideous babies out of 5
Rated R: contains violence, frightening scenes, nudity, language.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4: The Dream Master

Terror Beyond Your Wildest Dreams.

The Dream Master picks up right where The Dream Warriors left off. Freddy is resurrected from his grave in hallowed ground by a dog peeing fire on it. Who knew dog pee was the antidote to holy water. The dog then high tails it, leaving its owner to face Freddy. Man's best friend indeed. At any rate, Freddy is alive again and back to his nasty old tricks.

First he does away with the remainders of the obnoxious cast of the previous film (sans Langenkamp), then he is off to try his luck with a new batch of teens including a female Urkel, a vacant looking jock, a douche bag with a Corey Hart haircut, and others.

But one of the teens, Alice, has the ability to absorb the special talents and abilities of Freddy's victims which she can later combine and use against him thereby becoming the dream master.

This sequel gave me a bad feeling from the moment the opening credits rolled to the sounds of crappy 1980's pop music which, by the way, persisted through the remainder of the film. Freddy remains but a mere parody of his originally frightening self and his tendency towards hanging around making bad jokes rather than doing scary shit has only increased in this fourth instalment.

Furthermore, while all the sequels thus far have been significantly toned down in terms of gore and horror compared with the original, this one feels like the worst one yet. There are two kill scenes which are the exceptions to the rule and are just bizarre and nasty, but this fails to make up for the rest of the film. "Why!?!?!" one might cry out in consternation. Well, probably because Dream Warriors grossed almost twice what the original did and this film did even better. Someone was obviously following the dollar signs and not the screams.

Naturally it all ends with a scene that would lead one to believe that perhaps Freddy is really dead and gone this time. With four more sequels to go... not even close.

1.5 mantis legs out of 5
Rated R: contains violence/gore, frightening scenes, nudity, language.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: The Dream Warriors

If you think you'll get out alive, You must be dreaming.

Heather Langenkamp returns as Nancy for this third instalment in the Nightmare series. Ignoring the existence of Freddy's Revenge (that's one way of dealing with an unpopular sequel) the film picks up six years after Freddy's original attacks. Nancy is now a dream therapist sent to work at a local psychiatric home. She meets a group of troubled teenagers whose dreams are haunted by the same monster hers once were; Freddy Krueger.

She teams up with the doctor assigned to the group, Dr. Neil Gordon in hopes of saving the endangered teenagers. But as they are knocked off one by one their deaths are written off as suicides and accidents. Finally Heather meets a member of the group, Kirsten, who has the power to bring others in to her dreams. Using this special ability, Heather and the patients enter Freddy's world and decide to fight back.

The Dream Warriors is perhaps one of the stupidest of the Nightmare sequels. It starts out on the right foot with a creepy opening scene at the old house followed by a suspenseful chase scene involving Kirsten (Patricia Arquette). Unfortunately from its spooky opening sequence it just goes down hill.

Kirsten is committed to the psychiatric hospital where she meets Nancy and the group of teenagers who are tormented by Freddy. They are the ones who will become the "Dream Warriors" which is every bit as lame as it sounds. The characters are obnoxious, the dialogue is stupid, and the acting is less than awesome. Basically the premise is that they all have super powers in their dreams and they can use them to fight Freddy. Doesn't sound very scary? It's not.

Furthermore this film seals Freddy's fate for several years as a wise-cracking pun master who can't help but make really bad jokes every time he is on screen. Once again, not scary. Not really funny either. Just kind of stupid. There are some really bad special effects here as well. Take, for example, the Wizard Master. Yeah, I said Wizard Master. I told you it was bad.

The film isn't a total loss though, it does explain the origins of Freddy in further detail, right back to his conception. It also does have some quite memorable kill scenes such as the one where Freddy plays puppeteer, or kills the punk rocker Taryn by overdose. Again, cheese ball scenes to be sure, but memorable.

2 Freddy snakes out of 5
Rated R for violence/gore, frightening scenes, nudity, language, drug use.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The first name in terror returns...

Five years after Freddy Krueger's first killing spree, he returns to torment a new batch of teenagers by possessing the body of Jesse Walsh, a young man whose family has just moved into the house from the original film. His girlfriend, Lisa, may be the only hope to free him from Freddy's control and end his bloody rampage.

Freddy's Revenge took the Nightmare series down a different route in terms of plot. Now, using possession, Freddy could enter the real world and kill people outside of their dreams. This kind of defeated the original premise of the series. The film, and its new twist, were not popular with fans. To this day, many consider this to be perhaps the worst of the Nightmare sequels; a notion I can only partially endorse.

Having read several online reviews of this film, it is notable how much time is spent by reviewers on the topic of the main character, Jesse, played by Mark Patton. Several criticisms are raised; 1. he is male 2. he is too feminine. It amazes me how many reviews literally openly complain that this film sucks because it has no female nudity and because they think the main character comes off as gay (even though he has a girlfriend). Give me a break. Aside from being bigoted morons, such reviewers are also about as easy to take seriously as a literature critic who condemns all books that don't offer illustrations.

Let's look at the actual movie for a moment. Freddy's Revenge marks the last sequel that will come for several years which will not be total camp. Some signs of the tendency towards the more marketable mash up of breasts and punch lines replacing suspense and horror are visible here. There are some totally ridiculous scenes like the bedroom cleaning montage and the belligerent sport equipment scene.

At the same time, aside from these unnecessary additions, the film over-all has a dark, spooky mood to it in contrast with the almost play full and jocular Freddy of later films. This is particularly true towards the end during Freddy's pool party massacre and Lisa's journey through the boiler room to try to save Jesse. Of course the whole love overcoming evil premise might been a bit cheesy especially given the context, but as per usual the door is left open for more sequels when it turns out Freddy isn't defeated after all.

A departure from the original? Yes. Spattered with cheesy scenes? Sure, it's from the 80's. But compared with many of the other sequels, this film does stay on target as an actual horror film for the most part and in that sense I think it is an underrated sequel.

3 boiling pools out of 5
Rated R: contains violence/gore, frightening scenes, language.

The Thing (1982)

What you fear most... is among you.

A scientific expedition in the Antarctic faces a very strange interruption when a team of Norwegians turn out in a helicopter firing wildly at a fleeing dog. One of the members of the expedition is wounded before its leader, Palmer, shoots and kills the attacked. The helicopter crashes leaving no way to determine what spurred the Norwegians to such erratic and dangerous behaviour.

R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russell) leads a team to investigate the Norwegians camp. They find disturbing remains which, along with strange events at their own camp, lead them to believe that the Norwegians has uncovered an alien life form which can change shape and is now amongst them.

Any member of the team could be the thing, and nobody is safe. Meanwhile, the expeditions helicopter is sabotaged, leaving the men stranded on the frozen tundra with no means to escape or to communicate with the outside world and hunted by an unknown being that could be indecipherable from any one of them.

John Carpenter's The Thing is in fact a remake of the 1952 science fiction film The Things from Another World, which follows a very similar plot line. What Carpenter was able to do, however, is to build on the suspense and the sense of claustrophobia that naturally comes with this story about stranded men in a confined space hunted by a hidden enemy. The film can feel a bit slow at times but this is generally just part of Carpenters long process of building up suspense for the next alien attack.

The Thing itself has no specific form of its own, instead it takes on the form of its victims and often ends up in some hideous half-formed version of them. Among its delightful formations are partially formed humans and dogs as well as a severed head which grows spider legs and crawls away. Lots of tension, suspense, creepy scenes, and grisly monsters make The Thing an effective sci-fi/horror film, it all leads to a sense of doom and hopelessness which builds up to a very fitting, if somewhat abrupt conclusion.

No sequels, but the door was left open. In the meantime, a re-make is scheduled for later this year.

4 spider heads out of 5
Rated-R for strong bloody violence, grisly and disturbing images, language and some drug use.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

You'll be sorry you were ever born human

The years is 2029 and Leo Davidson is an astronaut aboard a ship containing trained apes which are being used in space exploration. When his ape disappears during a reconnaissance mission, Leo goes after him. But he finds himself sucked through a wormhole which lands him on a planet which is ruled by apes and where humans are their slaves.

Leo escapes capture with the help of Ari, a chimpanzee who is a human rights activist, and a band of human rebels. But the viciously anti-human General Thade is leading his gorilla army in pursuit of the rebel band. Leo's only hope is to reach the sacred temple within the Forbidden Zone in the hopes of finding the key to his escape. What he will find will also bring forth shocking revelations about the origins of this strange world.

Of course this 2001 version of Planet of the Apes is a remake of Franklin J. Schaffner's 1968 original. It is directed by Tim Burton, who rarely disappoints although actually this film doesn't really have that Gothic Tim Burton feel to it. Mark Wahlberg replaces Charlton Heston as the lead character, which is certainly a significant difference.

But that's not all that is different. There are a number of changes to the storyline and also to the details of the story. For example, humans can talk in this remake whereas in the original they had not developed that ability. The ending is also a significant difference, but I won't spoil that.

Of course the costumes and effects are far superior in this modern remake. After all, there are 33 years and $900,000,000 differentiating the two films. It's a pretty cool remake to be sure, but one should definitely take the time to see the original first even if not its four sequels.

3 space monkeys out of 5
Rated PG-13 for some sequences of action/violence