30 Days of Night (2007)

They're Coming! 

Every year, the small town of Barrie, Alaska, located on the Arctic circle, experiences 30 days of night. During these 30 days, there is no sunlight, only darkness. As the citizens of Barrie prepare for this years 30 days, a strange man infiltrates the town carries out a campaign of sabotage; killing dogs, destroying the only helicopter, and wrecking cell phones.


Meanwhile the town Sheriff, Eben, discovers that his estranged wife, Stella, has missed the last flight out of Barrie and is trapped with him for the next 30 days. As he is coming to terms with the news, he receives a call related to the strangers activities and manages eventually to apprehend him. But it's too late. He has already cleared the way for the monsters whose bidding he blindly does.

A gang of vampires descends upon the peaceful town of Barrie, intent on turning it into their personal smorgasbord. No one is safe and nothing is sacred as the vampires terrorize the town, killing and devouring everyone in their path with terrible viciousness and efficiency. It's up to Eben, Stella, and a small group of townspeople to find a way to stop the nearly invincible vampires, or watch Barrie be turned into a frozen mass grave of corpses and blood-stained snow. 

30 Days of Night did to vampires what 28 Days Later did to zombies. It re-invented them. No longer were vampires slow, stalking, creatures creeping in the shadows. These vampires are fast, loud, powerful, and uncontrollably violent. Plus, they are practically invincible. It's a refreshing new take on an old villain.

The movies itself is great as well. Decent acting throughout. Great scenery, atmosphere, mood. Something about a snowy wasteland of perpetual darkness is pretty creepy to start with. It's a fantastic setting which provides a great backdrop for all kinds of gruesomely awesome scenes. One of the best new horror movies I have seen in the past few years.

5 creepy little vampire girls out of 5
Rated R for strong horror violence and language.

Watch the 30 Days of Night trailer.

Halloween (2007)

Evil has a destiny.

In 1978 John Carpenter brought the world a little movie called Halloween. It helped to blow the budding slasher sub-genre wide open, and was followed by seven mostly decent sequels. But by 2007, the series had petered off with the last of the increasingly pedestrian sequels having been released five years earlier in 2002. Then along came Rob Zombie, and in 2007 and remake was born.

Michael Myers, a troubled young boy from an abusive household, is committed to Smith's Grove psychiatric hospital at ten years of age after murdering his family. Seventeen years later, Michael is now not only fully grown, but actually has become freakishly large and monstrous looking. He has been waiting and now he is ready to make his escape. He heads for his home town of Haddonfield, Illinois, where unsuspecting teenage babysitter Laurie Strode becomes his target for reasons that will later be revealed. Meanwhile his doctor, Dr. Loomis, races to warn the people of Haddonfield, and Laurie, before it's too late. 

While keeping to the same basic plot as the original, Rob Zombie's remake does flesh out several aspects of the plot with more gory details. For example, Michael Myers' murder of his family and his escape from the psychiatric hospital. But there are a number of other changes as well.

As in the original films, Michael Myers is seemingly immortal. But in the remake his is also monstrous in size and possesses super human strength. The remake seems to strive to provide rationale for Michael's development into a deranged serial killer; abusive household etc. This is as opposed to the original which simply explained that he was evil and that was that. On the other hand there is no explanation of how or why he suddenly has super strength and abilities.

In true Rob Zombie fashion, Halloween also brings the gore in epic proportions. The original Halloween was quite violent for its time, and the sequels even more so. But this one has them all beat no questions asked. The extremely graphic violence helps to portray Michael as a particularly vicious monster, but it doesn't make up for whats missing. Namely, suspense and atmosphere. Rob Zombies remake is a slasher film, no doubt there, but it feels like an action movie melded with a torture porn. It is undoubtedly in keeping with the current trend in slasher flicks, but it just doesn't deliver the spooks the same as the original.

When all is said and done I guess they just don't make them like they used to and there's some things you just can't remake.


2 TV's to the face out of 5
Rated R for strong brutal bloody violence and terror throughout, sexual content, graphic nudity and language.


Watch the Halloween trailer.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

A ghoulish tale with wicked humour & stunning animation.

Jack Skellington is the pumpkin king of Halloween Town. Every year he organizes the ghoulish Halloween festivities. He is beloved and renowned by all the residents of Halloween Town, but Jack is getting bored. Every year he does the same thing for Halloween. He yearns for something new, but what?


Then Jack stumbled upon a magic forest with portals to all of the other holiday towns. One in particular catches his eye; Christmas Town. He returns, elated, from his visit to Christmas Town. He is determined to organize Halloween Town to celebrate Christmas this year instead. But Halloween Town may not quite be ready for holiday cheer. Unsurprisingly, Halloween Town's Christmas experiment does not quite go as planned...

What needs to be said about The Nightmare Before Christmas? Not a horror movie, but undoubtedly the most famous horror-themed holiday film. It was in production for three years. Claymation requires an incredible amount of work and time. But in the end it came out as probably one of the most impressive feats of claymation work ever created. This, plus wonderful characters, plot, and songs, make The Nightmare Before Christmas one of the best Christmas movies out there today. Watch this one with the family, save Black Christmas for later.

4.5 Sandy Claws out of 5Rated PG for some scary images.

Watch the Nightmare Before Christmas trailer.

Shutter Island (2010)

Someone is missing.

Teddy Daniels is US Marshall assigned to a missing persons investigation at Shutter Island Ashecliffe Hospital in Boston. This is no ordinary hospital. It's a facility for the violently mentally disturbed. Furthermore, Teddy suspects that there may be more to Shutter Island than meets the eye. He believes there may be unethical experimentation and other illegal practices taking place on the grounds.

Teddy believes he is on the verge of a breakthrough, but he is met with a total lack of cooperation on the part of the hospital staff. Then, a hurricane cuts off communication with the mainland and leads to the escape of many of the potentially dangerous patients.

Soon more strange clues are revealed and, in the confusion, everything is brought into question - right down to Teddy's own sanity and even his identity.

Thirteen years ago, when Leonardo DiCaprio was the pretty-boy star of massive puke-fest of a film, Titanic, it would have been hard to believe that one day it would be possible to praise him and his films. But truth is stranger than fiction, and the truth is that in recent years DiCaprio has been in a bunch of decent films. This is one of them.

Sometimes creepy, sometimes dramatic, always enigmatic, Shutter Island is a masterful tale of mystery which will keep most viewers guessing right up to the end. Indeed, that's what turns what could have easily been a pretty routine movie into something really interesting.

4  plot twists out of 5
Rated R for disturbing violent content, language and some nudity.

Watch the Shutter Island trailer.

Gremlins (1984)

We're Back!

Billy Peltzer has just received the most amazing present for Christmas - a one of a kind furry little creature called a  mogway. He is thrilled with his new pet, which he names Gizmo. But his new pet comes with rules; no water, no food after midnight, and no bright lights. When two of these rules are broken, the adorable little Gizmo releases a gang of little green gremlins bent on violence and mayhem.

After some mischief and mayhem, the gremlins come up against Billy's mom, who manages to kill many of them off in a gory kitchen battle. But the leader, Stripe, escapes and goes for a swim at the YMCA and soon the quaint town is over-run. Meanwhile Billy struggles to convince the authorities of what is going on before it is too late. When the police finally do go to investigate, the gremlins make short work of them. Finally its left to Billy, Gizmo, and Billy's co-worker and love interest, Kate, to take on the gremlins and save whats left of their small town.

Gremlins is not a run of the mill Christmas movie. This is not only because it is a horror-comedy about malicious green monsters causing havoc and, albeit silly, death. Nor is it only because of its complete lack of religious dogma. It's also because it is a biting critique of the rabid consumerism of western capitalist society and how it has subjugated the holiday season to its will. The movie is packed with little shots at the culture of greedy and dangerous over-consumption that is promoted in the countries of the First World. It finished with sharp words on the topic from the Chinese merchant who originally sold Gizmo to Billy's father. He then repossesses the Mogway in order to avoid further carnage.

Not only does the movie have a message, it's funny as well and safe for pretty much the whole family which seems to ensure it lots of rotation on TV during the holidays. Much as Gizmo spawned a horde of Gremlins, Gremlins spawned a horde of copycat movies that tried to play off of its success. Movies like Critters, Ghoulies, and Hobgoblins may have had their moments, but could never live up to Gremlins when all was said and done. Gremlins did, however, lead to one sequel, The New Batch, which was a success despite being highly slap-stick and much lighter than the classic original.


4.5 stair lift accidents out of 5
Rated PG for mild violence and frightening scenes. 

Watch the Gremlins trailer.

Jennifer's Body (2009)

She's evil... and not just high school evil. 

Needy and Jennifer are an unusual couple of best friends. Needy is quiet, reserved, and nerdy. Jennifer, on the other hand, is direct, arrogant, and a cheerleader. But the two high school chums are about to have one more big difference between them; a taste for human beings.

When Needy and Jennifer go to an ill fated rock show, Jennifer ends up leaving with a douchey rock band from "the city". When she shows up at Needy's house later that night she has changed, but Needy isn't sure how or what has happened. Eventually it becomes clear that a series of grisly murders may be linked to her friend. She investigates, only to find out that Jennifer may in fact be possessed by a nasty succubus which forces her to devour human beings to survive.

Jennifer's body does cheesy right. In other words, the do it on purpose. It's obvious that the folks that made this movie had a good sense of humour and went into it with every intention of making a horror movie that wasn't afraid to have fun at the same time. As a result there's not much in this movie that isn't obviously tongue-in-cheek to some extent with lots of cheesy lines, high school cliché's, and shots at pop culture.

This movie has been labeled both as feminist and sexist, depending who you want to believe. It's not overtly political one way or the other. Is it sexist? Not overtly and not compared to a lot of the corporate entertainment we are fed. Is it feminist? Not overtly. But it is a movie about two women, they do talk to each other, and they do talk to each other about something other than a man. How many movies can you think of that fill that criteria? Both the hero and villain are women.The hero is smart, strong, and not dependent on a male character. The villain, maybe not so much. But at the same time, she only becomes a villain because of a group of sexist men who cause her to be possessed by a succubus. All in all I'd say it comes out favourably on the issue for the most part.

Jennifer's Body is a good movie because its got its creepy moments but its also a lot of fun. Word is there may be a sequel in the future. The door is left open for it, but it's hard to imagine how it would continue the original story in a way that is relevant and worth while. Nonetheless, based on the original, if the time comes, I'll be there.

4 human lasagna's out of 5
Rated R for sexuality, bloody violence, language and brief drug use.

Watch the Jennifer's Body trailer.

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)

... makes Twilight look like nursery school.

One year ago, a clan of vampires devastated the small Alaskan town of Barrie during its annual month-long sunset. Now Stella Oleson, a survivor of the rampage, has moved to Los Angeles and is purposely seeking out and attempting to expose the local vampire population in order to exact revenge for the death of her husband, Eben.

Stella's work is cut out for her as she is up against the skepticism of the local population, a government bent of covering up the truth and, of course, the vampires themselves. But she has found others who have also been the victims of the vampires and who are also out for vengeance.

Ultimately, Dark Days is an action movie wherein the bad guys happen to be vampires. The connection to the original is only really through the main character, Stella, and even she is played by a different actor. The vampires themselves just don't seem as menacing and unbeatable as in the original. The fact that they can be moved down by machine gun fire makes them seem a lot more mortal than in 30 Days of Night.

Dark Days totally lacks the creepy atmosphere of the original, which was set in Barrie, Alaska, during a month of darkness and on the backdrop of soon to be blood-drenched snow. This time we find ourselves in Los Angeles. Why on Earth are vampires setting up shop in such a sunny locale? Do they have part-time aspirations as movie stars? It's not exactly as spooky and doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense.

Add on a smaller budget and a weaker plot and you have a sequel that is far from being up to par with 30 Days of Night, which was a really excellent vampire movie. But if you happen to be in the mood for a action-packed shoot 'em up adventure with vampires then I guess you've hit the jackpot. At least it's not Twilight.

2.5 vampire vacation cruises out of 5
Rated R for bloody violence, language and some sexual content.

Watch the Dark Days trailer.

After.Life (2009)

Life is the symptom. Death is the cure.

After suffering a horrible car accident, Anna awakens to find herself at a funeral home under the care of funeral director Elliot Deacon. Confused and disoriented, Anna demands to know where she is, and why. The chilling answer is not what she hoped to hear: she's dead.

Deacon explains that she died in the crash and is transitioning from the land of the living to the after life. Only he has the special ability to communicate with her and others like her. But Anna feels very much alive and doubts Deacon's bizarre story. Nonetheless, in time she begins to accept it and come to terms with this apparent reality. Meanwhile her boyfriend, Paul, also has his doubts. But is he merely suffering from denial and shock, desperately hoping that his love is not really gone?

After.Life is a solid movie. It has the rare quality of actually keeping you guessing as to what is really going on. Is Anna dead? Is she alive? Is Paul simply losing his mind, or is the funeral director a mad and depraved murderer? It's not a movie that follows your standard pattern, and it sure isn't a feel good warm and fuzzy night at the movies. In fact it's depressing as hell. But it's also thought provoking, and a good reminder about the need to make the most out of the life you have while you have it. Plus it's got some creepy scenes thrown in for good measure.

Great performances from the cast, especially the creepy little kid called Jack (Chandler Canterbury), Paul (Justin Long), Deacon (Liam Neeson), and, of course, Anna who is played by the very talented and beautiful Christina Ricci.

Frankly I think they ought to make a cheesy, low budget sequel in which Anna comes back as a zombie and reaps revenge upon all those who have done her wrong. Yeah, yeah... it would have nothing to do with the original and would tarnish its artistic integrity, but it would be a heck of a lot of fun.

4 reasons not to drink and drive out of 5
Rated R for nudity, disturbing images, language and brief sexuality.

Watch the After.Life trailer. 

The Howling (1981)

Imagine your worst fear a reality. 

Karen White is a reporter on a grisly assignment to meet up with a serial killer who is on the loose, and lead police to him. She does so, but suffers memory loss and trauma resulting in frightening and disturbing dreams containing flash backs to her encounter.

She is ordered to take a vacation at a psychiatric colony operated by Dr. George Waggner. Soon Karen begins to fear that the serial killer, Eddie, is still alive and is stalking her at the colony. But the truth turns out to be be even more sinister when she realizes that her vacation spot is located in the middle of a den of werewolves.


The Howling was hailed for its special effects and state-of-the-art make up. It helped to launch a short-lived werewolf trend in the 1980's and came at a time of horror movie resurgence which brought a lot of great movies. Of course by today's standards its a bit cheesy, but I guess maybe it was impressive in its day. The sex scene wherein Karen's husband turns into a werewolf and starts drooling is particularly bad. There's also a scene where a guy turns into a werewolf for what seems like forever, but is actually about two minutes, and his prey just stands there and watches for some reason. It did have it's creepy moments here and there, but it wasn't particularly scary and lacked suspense. The acting was ok, better than a lot of horror movies but not extremely impressive which is sort of how I feel about this movie in general.

2.5 werewolf vacation spots out of 5
Rated R for violence, gore, sexual content, nudity, language.


Watch The Howling trailer.

Slither (2006)

A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. 

A meteor crash lands in the small town of Wheelsy, USA. Nobody really seems to notice, but everybody is about to wish they had. When Grant has a fight with his wife, Starla, he mopes off to the bar to have a drink and runs in to Brenda, the younger sister of his former girlfriend, who turns out to have a crush on him. The two of them drunkenly stumble into the woods, but Grant decides against cheating on his wife. He is about to head home when he notices something strange. A sort of slimy, egg-like, object is lying in the grass nearby. He pokes it with a stick and is hit by a projectile which shoots from the egg. Grant rushes home, unaware that he is now host to a bizarre alien life form.

With Brenda, Grant spawns hordes of nasty worm-like parasites which take over the bodies of their victims, turning them into flesh-starved zombies. Local sheriff Bill Pardy teams up with Starla in a race against time to save humanity from a very unpleasant fate.

Slither has something for just about everyone. You've got monsters, aliens, AND zombies. It's a sci-fi film, a horror movie, and definitely a dark comedy. It's a truly bizarre and gruesome tale of alien invasion. But the alien life form is sort of a parasite or "conscious disease" as they call it in the movie, which takes over the bodies of humans and animals and turns them into zombies with an unquenchable hunger for meat. The final stage of Grant's transformation into a sort of tentacled meat blob is particularly disgusting.

The movie also has a few other neat little surprises. For one thing there's a zombie deer, which is a first for me. I wondered for a moment if vegans wrote this movie. Jenna Fischer plays a supporting role as a secretary (surprise surprise) who turns into a zombie. Rob Zombie even has a cameo although only as a voice actor. All in all a pretty decent movie.

3.5 cases of lime disease out of 5
Rated R for strong horror violence and gore, and language.

Watch the Slither trailer. 

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

Cowboys Battle Monsters in the Lost World of Forbidden Valley. 

T.J. Breckenridge is the owner and host of a wild west circus in early 20th century Mexico. Her former boyfriend, Tuck Kirby, has just come back into the picture and is trying to convince her that the time has come to sell her show to him on behalf of his employer, Buffalo Bill.

But all of that changes when one of her employees, Carlos, finds a miniature horse unlike anything seen before. T.J. is sure that the strange creature will change the fortunes of her failing circus show and bring her untold riches. Meanwhile, local paleontologist Sir Horace Bromley has come to believe that the tiny horse is a prehistoric animal thought to have been extinct for millions of years; and a local group of gypsies warn that if the animal is not returned to the Forbidden Valley from which is came, a curse will be leveled upon his who stole it away.

Finally, T.J., Tuck, Horace, Carlos, and a bunch of their fellow cowboys, make off to the Forbidden Valley in search of even more of these strange creatures. But they get more than they bargained for. Hidden away for millions of years in this secret valley were all sorts of prehistoric creatures, most horrible of all being an Allosaurus known as Gwangi.

The cowboys ultimately capture Gwangi, after battling him and other prehistoric creatures along the way. They bring him back to T.J.'s circus and dream of the riches they are about to acquire as they put their new show on the road. But unsurprisingly things do not go as planned, and soon Gwangi is on the loose, menacing the local population and even doing battle with an elephant.

The tag line pretty well says it all. This is basically a cowboy movie with dinosaurs added in. Kind of like King Kong meets John Wayne. It starts off awfully slow, but it picks up once they get to the valley. Once the action starts up its a pretty enjoyable movie. The wonderful stop motion work of Ray Harryhausen alone makes this movie worthwhile despite its over the top acting, occasionally ridiculous dialogue, and the unfortunate requirement for a bit of nose holding in terms of the somewhat racist depictions of the non-white characters. Kind of surprising nobody has made a run at re-doing this one. I guess cowboys just aren't in anymore.

3 balderdash's out of 5
Rated G. Contains mild violence.

Watch the Valley of Gwangi trailer.