Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren slayed the Vampire Queen, Carmilla. But before he could finish her off she placed a curse on both the Baron, and the local villagers, whereby each of their female descendants would become a lesbian vampire on their 18th birthday.
Fast-forward to the present day; Jimmy and Fletch are two hopeless fellows who are down on their luck. Jimmy has recently been dumped by his emotionally abusive, cheating girlfriend... again. Fletch, meanwhile, has just been fired from his job as a clown for children's parties.
The two friends decide that what they need is a vacation, so they head off to the remote village of Cragwich, which just so happens to be the very same village where the Vampire Queen, Carmilla, was slain. On their journey they encounter a van full of attractive young women including the charming Lotte, and several of her fellow mythology students. They are on their way to Cragwich to study the legend of Carmilla.
Considering themselves quite lucky, Jimmy and Fletch hitch a ride to a cabin where the students are staying and begin to party it up. Things would appear to be going swimmingly, until some of their new found friends go missing. They've been turned into lesbian vampires too, and now the Vampire Queen's hench-women have even more devious plans. It turns out that Jimmy is the last remaining descendant of Wolfgang MacLaren. Using his blood, and that of the virginal Lotte, the vampires intend to resurrect Carmilla so that she may reap her revenge. Only Jimmy, Fletch, Lotte, and a very peculiar vicar, can stop them (and save themselves) before its too late.
Lesbian Vampire Killers is a tongue-in-cheek vampire comedy which uses lesbian sexuality as a gimmick to get people to watch it. The movie doesn't particularly paint a very balanced picture of lesbians. There's lots of lighthearted double entendre jokes about being "turned" which in some way might come off as reinforcing the ridiculous notion that straight people can be turned gay or lesbian through simple exposure to homosexuality. Perhaps not shockingly, it isn't a particularly pro-woman film in general for that matter. Carmilla is proclaimed to be "driven by a hatred of men and a love of women". All the female characters except Lotte are either evil, mere sex objects, or both. It's fairly clear who this movie is appealing to for its audience. Sex and gender politics, and the odd funny moment here and there aside, it was actually... still pretty bad. The real question is will they go through with making a sequel about gay werewolves?
1 milk-filled (WTF?) vampires out of 5
Rated 18A for language, sexual content and horror violence.
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