Thursday, October 20, 2011

Zombiez (2005)

They Are Dying to Live

Josephine, a worker on what appears to be some sort of construction site, finds herself on the run from bloodthirsty, blade wielding, zombies. The fiends first overrun her workplace, attacking her co-workers and her dick-bag boss, then chase her as she frantically searches for her husband. Ultimately Josephine must fight off the zombies or become zombie chow.

I'd like to tell you more about the plot, but there isn't any more to tell. The film never explains why the zombies have become zombies, where they came from, why they want to eat people, or why they use weapons. The film just sort of starts, things happen, and it ends again. No back story, no real plot, no serious character development.

The "zombies" deserve some commentary. We know they are supposed to be zombies because the title of the film is Zombiez. Presumably the film makers felt that misspelling the title would make the film look cool, and "urban" to potential viewers. Regardless, the "zombies" look more like mentally ill cannibals, and they sound like pug dogs with emphysema. The don't look or act like they are undead, they just act like crazy people who want to eat other humans. And what is with the ridiculous sickles and meat cleavers they are using? They look like they are made of plastic and bought from a Halloween costume shop. In fact, I am certain that is exactly the case.

The acting and effects are no better. I won't say they are worse, although that would be an accomplishment in itself. Zombiez is one more to throw on the pile of utter garbage zombie films that have been getting pumped out right left and centre as of late in an attempt to capitalize on the resurgent popularity enjoyed by the undead. Avoid this one unless you have always wondered just how bad something really can be while still getting released on DVD.

0.5 plastic sickles out of 5
Rated R for violence/gore, language and some nudity

No comments:

Post a Comment